First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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