Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize