Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
