Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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