did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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