Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
