matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
