Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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