We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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