She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
