she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
