I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
