"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and she was petting her beer can
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
