fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I will die if light touches me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
