somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Bring me that man meat
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
