What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
