Midget sex pt 2 tonight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
