Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
