He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
tequila makes me forget i have legs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
