Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
