nut hugger
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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