you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Vodka?
Forever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
