He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize