Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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