"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize