the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize