I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
