i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
