How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
