hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
