She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
