It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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