perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
