I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
