NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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