It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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