Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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