I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize