I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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