I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
