Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize