There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
