It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
