I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
