Your tits are I can't wait for
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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