Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
