So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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