its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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