Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
