this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
