She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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