I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
