Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize