so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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