my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
