Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize