Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
