I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
