i think my tv is drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
