That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
operation harelip BJ is a go
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
