i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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