Cold hands, warm shart.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I understand Curling. That high.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were trust falling into bushes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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