The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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