this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
