White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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