i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i now understand why vodka
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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