When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I skipped work to stalk him.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
