Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
