i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
