i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
