He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My feet surprised me
Randomize
