Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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