my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
