I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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