Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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