I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
