dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
