see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
