yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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