he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
