He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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