pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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