u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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