what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
