And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
