toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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