What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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