I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
