Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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