My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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