I heard we made out
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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