shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they need to just BURY HIM!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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