I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
