and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
