What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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