I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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