i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
