considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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