and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize